frequently asked questions

About Aikido

“It is not that something different is seen, but that one sees differently. It is as though the spatial act of seeing were changed by a new dimension.” - Carl Jung

Why does Aikido work? How does Aikido work?

Aikido works when faced with real attacks precisely because we train to move; not to get sucked into struggle, not to resort to violence, not to get locked into the tunnel vision of opposition, not to let our options get shrunk down until we have no control and no choice but to fight. In a sense, we set to work constructively with the attacker. This short video will give you an idea of how it works:

Is Aikido effective?

The short answer is, Yes, it can be highly effective. But whether you think Aikido can be effective, depends on what you expect it to do.

If you want to get into fights and beat people up, Aikido is not what you’re looking for. It’s not designed for that.

If you believe that me-first aggression is the only way to get ahead in a bully-or-be-bullied world, genuine Aikido will not satisfy you. It doesn’t work that way.

If you want to be able to protect yourself and others, and live positively without fear, and you’d rather stop violence than join in with it, Yes, Aikido can be highly effective. And, it also depends on whether the Aikido you learn is fit for purpose.

Aikido has the potential to be profoundly supportive of mental health. It has the potential to be a deeply positive, transformative practice with noticeable benefits to fitness, health, wellbeing, healthy relationships, home and work life. And, like any powerful practice, it can be degraded or misused. If you want Aikido that is effective for your purpose, it will be necessary for you to choose somewhere where the Aikido is fit for that purpose. Check out our Manifesto for tips on how to spot the difference.

Further down this page, I describe some of the experiences I’ve had personally of its effectiveness.

Why is Aikido disliked?

However, I’ve noticed over the years that something interesting happens with sincere Martial Artists over time. Some develop a deep sense of respect. I’ve had conversations with old fighters in which they asked, respectfully, for me to explain Aikido to them, because they didn’t get it. When I explained, they understood, and we parted with good will and mutual respect. In contrast, I’ve also been actually attacked by less smart men trying to catch me by surprise, to prove Aikido doesn’t work.

Why doesn’t Aikido work? Why is Aikido absolutely useless?

If you search for Aikido information online, you’ll certainly come across negative material, and specifically claims such as these. This is nothing new. It’s an inevitable defensive reaction when an alternative to oppositional, ‘against’ behaviour is offered. A common line of argument is to try taking specific bits of Aikido – i.e. partially learned exercises perceived from a fighting mindset – as “techniques”, and apply them badly with an oppositional mindset. When they don’t work, it’s taken as proof that Aikido doesn’t work.

Aikido doesn’t work if you take it literally. It’s a training method, and a genius one at that! It was created in the knowledge that you can’t develop a game-changing level of capability with a phrase-book approach. You can’t leap a chasm in two small steps.

A “They-do-that, so you-do-this,” approach just keeps you where you are, working from the same assumptions, stuck in a binary, win/lose framework. Stuck in a fighting mindset.

Sadly, there are people claiming to teach Aikido who have taken a similar approach, having at some point assumed they understood more than they did. The principles behind something as sophisticated as Aikido are by nature not as obvious to us as we might like to think. They require a shift in mindset, which takes time and practice.

If you try to take the exercises from Aikido training and apply them literally in a self-defense or a fight situation, you’re either being obtuse or you’re inexperienced of how practice really works. This is natural enough for a ‘beginner’.

Stripped of the principles behind them, Aikido movements are no longer Aikido.

It’s like taking the handbrake out of a car, holding it up and saying, “See this car, it doesn’t work, it’s absolutely useless!"

A disconnected part of a car is not a car. A car in bits is no longer a car. If it was, it’d be an absolutely useless car.

Even if you managed to fit a handbrake on a cart, it wouldn’t make it a car. So, if you try to mix bits taken from Aikido with other Martial Arts, those bits are no longer Aikido. You’d not actually be using Aikido.

Like a lifejacket that only works if worn, Aikido doesn’t work if not used.

Why has Aikido got a bad reputation?

Of course, even if it’s only those who dislike Aikido who say it has a bad reputation, they base their claims on a grain of truth. It is a bit surprising though, how much energy some people put into slagging Aikido off. Makes you wonder if it’s really about Aikido.

Anyway, this is a bit like asking why bread has a bad reputation. Mass produced, low-grade bread is frequently conveniently available. Some of it might not be particularly nutritious, and not very good for you. Some people love that kind of bread anyway, and some would rather treat themselves to something they know will be more flavoursome and better for them.

Aikido is itself not without a few Walter Mitty characters who know less of Aikido than they think, and make it up as they go along. To con people, it can be sufficient just to know a bit more than them, and put on a good act. Sadly, for this reason, there are people who have cropped Aikido to fit their own limitations.

And, then there are Aikido people of utmost integrity; worth seeking out, who have challenged and expanded themselves and their horizons as they have grown into Aikido.

So, Aikido is in this respect much like any other Martial Art.

Where it differs is that, in Aikido movement, attacks are blended with, i.e. we move with them. Some people wrongly interpret this to mean it doesn’t matter what you say to someone, so long as it’s what they want to hear. This is merely an excuse for dishonesty and manipulative behaviour, and it should be no surprise if the reputation of Aikido is poor around people who practise that interpretation.

A more accurate interpretation would be that confrontation is a first step toward connection; we meet the attack before blending with it. Connection can then transform confrontation into a creative encounter rather than a conflictual one. In time, sincere practice teaches us that the confrontation is actually with the issue, not the other person. Recognising eachother’s sincerity is a much better basis for connection and creative outcomes than fear of confrontation and insincerity could ever be.

Aikido is not a miracle cure. In my experience, someone who starts out an arrogant, manipulative prat, is likely only to become an even bigger one after years of Aikido. “Practice” consists of a mental approach reinforced by repeated habit-forming activity over time. If the mental approach doesn’t change, the results aren’t likely to either. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice only makes permanent. People can change, but only through a combination of practice and profound insight. Without seismic insight to guide it, sought by challenging basic assumptions, practice will only reinforce a status quo.

Which style of Aikido is best?

People in many styles will tell you that theirs is the only style worth doing, in spite of the fact that many got there largely by accident and know little of other styles. “Aikido near me” is one of the most popular Aikido related search terms. Actually, some styles will suit you better than others, and some really won’t.

Like people, and so many other things in this world, Aikido comes in many shapes and sizes. There are many “styles” and few guarantees. Anyone can buy a black belt and wear it, and anyone can drop a name or two and claim they studied with someone they attended a weekend course or two with. There hasn’t been a sole authority in Aikido since its Founder died in 1969. Even among people who trained with him sincerely, there are many different interpretations and there is no consensus on what Aikido is or should be. There are many different approaches to teaching Aikido. It has not been homogenised. And, not all “styles” using the name “Aikido” are actually doing Aikido.

A better question might be “Which style of Aikido is best for me?” Or better still, “Which Teacher is best for me?”

Imagine you were thinking of buying a parachute. Would you go for new or second-hand? Or would you go for a bargain basement knock-off or a mass-produced brand, or would you go for a specialist, hand-made bespoke parachute, or an experimental hybrid prototype. Would you take the salesman’s word for it or would you look into it a bit more before buying? Your choice, and it’s up to you how much you look into what’s available before you make that choice.

It is worth saying that convenience is not often the best criteria for choosing styles. Some of the best students I’ve known over the years were prepared to travel long distances, and did so to be taught well, and some of the least serious and most impervious to instruction, lived within walking distance from the Dojo. If you happen to be fortunate enough to have a good teacher, of a good, genuine style that suits you, virtually on your doorstep, your most important battle may well be with not taking it for granted, and thereby undervaluing him/her and the opportunity.

You’ll find more specific guidance we apply to ourselves in our Manifesto.

Which is better?

Aikido or Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Judo, Jiu Jitsu, Tai Chi, Kung Fu, etc.

This is very similar to the “Which Style of Aikido is best?” question, and the answer could be very nearly the same. Actually some branches of different Martial Arts have more in common with each other than they do with other branches of their own Martial Art.

Can Aikido be used in a real fight?

The first problem with this question is that it pre-supposes getting into a fight. In my 40+ years of Aikido I have dealt with “real” violence on more than a dozen occasions. My experience of Aikido “for real” has always been that of stopping fights, not getting into them. Mostly they could be stopped before much happened, before the aggressor really understood what was happening, but occasionally an aggressor had to be neutralised along with the violence. Nevertheless, there was no fight.

The second problem with this question is, what is “real”? Does it include a competition, a ring, a fight cage? For those of us whose Aikido has been tested and proved effective, that is not reality. Competitions, rules, rings and cages are, by definition, artificial limitations on reality, a framing for sports and games. They are a framework for keeping the thinking inside the box. Perhaps of some value in life, depending on your values, but not to be confused with real life or even a real fight.

As a committed Aikidoka, I’ve spent many years developing an instinct not to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Believe it or not, that is an inherent part of the practice of good basics in Aikido. If your technique puts you in the path of danger, it’s not good technique. When attacked for real, I haven’t always got this element completely right, but then I didn’t compound the problem by moving into a worse position, jumping out of the frying pan into the fire so to speak. My basics were there for me. Stepping into a cage or a ring would go against that practice, and would be foolish.

Further down this page, I describe some of the experiences I’ve had personally of Aikido in “real” situations. Reading those will probably give you a better understanding than a direct answer to this question could.

Can Aikido be used to deal with bullying, coercive control and manipulative people like narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths?

Firstly, it must be said that anyone can fall for the covert manipulative tactics used by some toxic people. We have too! The techniques they use are clever, practiced and usually unsuspected, because they often start with lots of charm and flattery, (pretend respect). If you start to have suspicions, they set about gaslighting you into thinking you’re crazy and imagining things. They will go to extreme lengths it can be hard to understand or believe. (Read Shahida Arabi’s article on this) If you would never do such things to someone else, it can be hard to accept that someone, who says they’re a good person, is doing them to you. Why would they do that? And this is exactly one of the things they like to say when denying things they have done or said. You find yourself not knowing what to believe.

The first question is, how quickly will you twig-on to whats going on, and then, how will you react and deal with the situation thereafter?

In Aikido, early in every movement exercise with a partner, before contact occurs, there is a stage during which we develop instinct and “Knowing your partner’s mind”. As we progress, this aspect of awareness alone can become a focus of lifelong study. In some forms of Aikido it is a conscious element, and in some it is not, but it is an inherent element in the movement of all good Aikido.

Aikido at its highest level uses connection (Aiki) to nulify separation and neutralise violence physically. However we must distinguish between short-term and long-term applications of Aiki. An example is of neutralising the attack of a mugger using Aiki. I may want to do this with the most positive, creative outcome possible, but it doesn’t mean I’m obliged to exchange phone numbers and keep in touch afterwards. It’s possible that could happen, but it would have to be conditional on the nature of mind and intent of the former-mugger. It may seem strange, but the mugger’s sincerity could count for more than their misguided choice of action.

To maintain long-term, ‘clean’ connections (Aiki) within a healthy community, all parties must be willing to sincerely respect themselves, others and the community, or at least learn to. Good Aikido can teach us a lot about what’s involved in that. Moving in coordination or cooperation with others can create deeply felt connection between members of a community at critical non-verbal levels, and this is possibly one of the most important ways a victim or target can be supported and de-isolated.

In Isshinkai we have an unofficial community motto, that was recently repeated back to me at a time when it couldn’t have meant more:

“If it happens to you, it happens to us.”

We recommend you read this article by Shahida Arabi https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/

And our FAQ Page on Relaxation

Is Aikido Effective?

Here are some real examples from personal experiences:

Before we start, I want to emphasise that I’ve written these accounts to illustrate the effectiveness of the Aikido. From the very first time I stepped-in to protect a stranger from threatened physical violence, as an orange belt, to the last of the stories included here, I did not once do so because of abundant self-confidence. If I had confidence, it was in my training and in my teacher. But, even that was not what lead me to step in. My training brought with it a sense of responsibility: If others could stand by and watch someone harmed, threatened or intimidated, or lives avoidably ruined, I could not. In the event, it was the Aikido I trusted in, and it has never let me down.

Incident in France 1984 - at 1st Kyu (Brown Belt) - 4+ years of Aikido

About half way up something made me turn and look back towards the Place. Running towards us was the young man, swinging a metre-length of steel scaffold tube. His intent was clear and I thought I’d have to take it from him as he came past, so I tried to push my friends away from me to make some room, and to protect them. This took too long and in the meantime he’d passed us and swang the steel tube at his friend’s head, who was about ten metres away. Fortunately his friend had seen him coming and now ducked low, avoiding a blow that undoubtedly would have done him some serious damage. In doing this he lost his balance and fell backward onto the ground. His troubled friend now stood over him with the steel tube in his hand down at his side. I saw his weight shift as he began to move his weapon backward and up, so as to strike downward, two handed.

The next thing I knew I was standing close to him holding his right arm gently but strongly with both hands, as I’d learnt to do and had done thousands of times in Aikido practice. He was trying to move his arm and weapon but couldn’t, and he appeared puzzled as to why not. Then his friend got up and tried to kick him. I kept hold of the wrist with my left hand and put my right hand gently in the chest of the guy trying to kick, so that he couldn’t reach. He tried several times, and his friend still couldn’t use his weapon. They both seemed to reach a point of incomprehension. What was happening made no sense in the tunnel visioned fight-state they were in. I remember noticing that I was not in the fight, and I noticed a kind of calm, heightened awareness, and compassion. They began to calm down. The guy with the scaffold tube then suddenly seemed to realise I was there, as if I’d just materialised right next to him out of thin air. He asked who I was and what I was doing, and I tried to explain that what he was doing was not going to help. He must have been deeply upset to have acted that way towards his friend.

The two started talking to each other and in seconds were not in a fight any more. The intent had changed and I slipped the weapon out of the young man’s hand unnoticed, and nipped off down a side alley to put it somewhere well out of reach. When I got back the two had their arms round eachother. There were tears and apologies. At that moment a Police van arrived, blue lights and all. The Gendarmes got out and approached, one with his hand on his holstered gun. The friend who’d been attacked told them it was all fine now, just “Une affaire de coeur,” an affair of the heart. The Flics shrugged expressively, saying “Aah, is that all? OK, there’s nothing for us here.” and got back in their van and drove off. I turned to rejoin my friends who were still standing there among the crowd of spectators, watching the scene open mouthed. We all agreed it could have turned out very differently, if no one had stopped it.

South London Muggers - at 1st Dan (Black Belt) - 1985 - 5 years of Aikido

On the way to a launderette in South London with my girfriend we saw eight young men, larking about and coming towards us along the pavement. As they reached us they moved around us to pass on both sides, and one of them put his arm through the shoulder strap of my girlfriend’s handbag, so he could pull it away from her as he went past. She also did Aikido, so she didn’t get pulled off balance or let go. She followed so he was slowed down and couldn’t pull away without letting go of the bag. The young man suddenly found himself separated from his crew. I took hold of the shoulder strap with one hand, trapping his forearm, and offered my other as a fist. Then I remembered the phrase, “Always leave the enemy a way out.” so I loosened the strap on his arm, so that he had choice.

As he pulled his arm out of the strap his mates circled around to surround me. I stepped into the centre of the circle and said “Who’s first?” This was absolutely not typical behaviour for me. I was at least as surprised by my actions as they were, and they certainly hadn’t expected it. This was Aikido-training kicking-in and producing the most unexpected appropriate response. I was conscious of hesitation in six out of the eight; the one to my right and slightly in front thought about attacking, and I could feel the one behind to my left edging forwards.

At 1st Dan I was used to knife attacks and attacks from all sides and four attackers at once, but this was eight and I had no idea what would happen next. I did know that the first one, at least, would go down. The two thinking about it thought better of it and they all began to look less unified, and more like eight seperate scared young men. I got the impression they each suddenly felt a loss of strength in numbers, and a bit isolated. Then they turned and ran off down the street. I ran a short distance after them, waving my fist, and then came to my senses and went back to my girlfriend. Later we found out that people had been mugged by the group all along a mile long route, until they got to us.

Angry Strangler - at 2nd Dan - 1987 - 7 years of Aikido

Mark was probably the rudest, most aggressive individual I’ve met socially. He was a short and wiry builder. I’d have guessed him to be in his early forties, and he had the look and sound of someone who was habitually angry. I found myself sitting almost opposite him at a dinner I’d been invited to with about twenty people in a country Pub. I’d been invited by Bill, who I’d been teaching Aikido at that time for a few months. This was in the days when I was a young teacher, 2nd Dan, about 28 years old and not long since a full-time apprentice, sent out to blaize a trail and start new Aikido Clubs. So I was new to the area and only knew one person at the social gathering that evening.

It quickly became apparent that Bill had been bigging-up Aikido and me. Mark seemed to be irked by this and argued that, because I had a youthful, “nice” face, I evidently lacked a killer instinct and therefore couldn’t possibly be any good. I was asked a few questions by others present and answered calmly and politely. This, by the way, was not the first or last time an enthusiastic student attracted the attention of some unhappy fellow who then tried to disprove Aikido by picking a fight with me, or by actually attacking me. Neither approach ever succeeded. Mark got progressively more insulting, rude and provocative. It seemed that the group was used to his obnoxious behaviour and for the most part behaved as if they found it amusing.

At some point, in a loud voice Mark said he could kill me any time he liked and that he knew how to go about it because he’d already killed a man during the Rhodesian war by strangling him with his bare hands. Needless to say this didn’t lighten the atmosphere. Then he began to broaden his insults to include my students, my Teacher and anyone gullible enough to respect me, and Aikido in general. I’d been trained not to rise easily to provocation but there comes a point when enough is enough. My tone changed, and I told him he was now becoming tiresome, and speaking about things he knew nothing about. I suggested he should shut up, and if he wanted to try to kill me he would be welcome to try any weekday morning at the village hall, where he could reliably find me doing early morning practice between 6.30 and 7.30. People were a bit surprised, but the dinner proceeded after that in a somewhat more harmonious atmosphere and with less noise from Mark. Mark left a while before we did.

Just before leaving the Pub I went to the gents. The toilets looked empty and I stepped up to the urinal and prepared to relieve myself. As I did so, I sensed something as Mark emerged from one of the stalls where he’d been hiding. As I turned he grabbed my throat with both hands and pressed both his thumbs hard into my windpipe. I remember thinking, “How rude!” and refraining from wetting his trousers. He was clearly expecting me to be overwhelmed, pushed backward off balance, and to try to pull his hands off my throat. None of these things happened. In fact I realised in that moment that although I wasn’t breathing, I was comfortable, centred and unphased. Mark was out of his depth and I was in familiar territory. I could easily hold my breath for 1-2 minutes, and I had plenty of time. Mark had employed a form of attack that relied almost entirely on aggression causing panic, and it had failed.

Both his hands were heavily occupied while both of mine were free, as were my elbows, knees and feet, with plenty of time to do all sorts of things to my assaillant. With all the Aikido movement I’d done I had an embarrassment of choice. I looked at the floor behind him and decided that dumping him there could be very dangerous. The floor was hard quarry tile on concrete. I considered what was the best thing to do, so that he’d be discouraged from this kind behaviour in the future. Damaging him in some way would probably just make him even angrier with life.

I elected for demonstrating what can be done with calmness and two thumbs applied to a neck, when you know what you’re doing. What I did caused no damage beyond minor bruising, but would have been a considerable shock to his system and projected him backwards with some force, so that he hit the closed door about ten feet away. He rather comically slid down the door onto the floor, and sat for a moment, stunned. Without actually getting fully up, he muttered, “you’re right, you could f*** me up any time you like!” and scurried, half crawling, out the door. He ran out of the Pub, past people saying goodnight, and left, while I finally got to relieve myself. Apparently next day he was telling people that I must have had forewarning, otherwise he’d have been able to get the better of me. I lived in the area for several months but for some reason didn’t encounter him again.

Pick a Town - at 2nd Dan - 1988 after 8 years of Aikido

After the full-time period of my apprenticeship in Aikido, I decided against going back to London where I grew up, where I’d started practising and had first taught Aikido. After the intensive training and big personal changes I’d experienced, I knew it would be easy to slip back to old habits, and into being how people there still saw me. My way forwards lay ahead of me, not behind. I was single and unencumbered by money or possessions, beyond an old Triumph Herald. So, after a few months on the move, I set myself a challenge; to test what I’d gained from my training and see how far I could get in two years; after moving to a town where I knew no one and no one knew me. What could I accomplish with a fresh start and just accepting opportunities that came along?

I picked Salisbury in Wiltshire, because I liked the look of the place and we didn’t have a club there. When the moment was right, I found a house-share and moved in. The next day I went to the Job Centre, which in those days had vacant jobs posted on cards on boards along the walls. I picked the first job I came across, (temporary sand blaster), and applied. The employer, an aerospace company, had had trouble getting anyone to do this job because it was dirty work, physically unpleasant, cold and tough. It was supposed to be for two weeks only, but no one ever said “don’t come back”, so I just kept turning up for work. When the sandblasting was all done, they put me on reorganising stacks of steel girders, which I considered great practice, and there was a lot of it. It took two men to lift one, and it soon became apparent that they were putting two men to work with me, so that one could rest while I kept up the pace with the other. Some of my co-workers started calling me “Duracell”.

We got all the steel reorganised and shifted much quicker than they expected and this was noticed by the production manager. I was given a series of jobs reorganising stuff and used what I’d learned to make a quick impact on each job, and to put the right ideas in the right people’s minds. Then I was given a job reorganising something in an office, and shortly afterwards, setting up a new production statistics system. After about six months I was called in to HR because I was being promoted and they’d realised they knew nothing about me. They only had an application form for ‘Temporary Sand Blaster’ on file, and I’d written “Not Applicable” on all of it, except for name address and phone number.

Within a year I was in charge of Production Statistics providing detailed reports and analysis to the Board of Directors. Bearing in mind that I had no prior knowledge of aerospace-manufacturing, statistics or computers, and had failed Maths at school. I simply used what Aikido had taught me to learn fast. Usually, complicated tasks turned out to be simple when I remained calm and followed where things were going. My boss thought I was a genius because I never said I didn’t understand. I just sat calmly and listened. When I didn’t understand yet, I just waited for him to keep talking. Then I’d say, “Oh, you mean…” and put it simply. I also acted fast on things once I understood a change was required, and I didn’t make excuses.

Aikido enabled me to make things happen, and this turned out to be valued.

After two years, the time limit on my experiment was up and a career in management in the Aerospace Industry was on offer. During that time I’d done daily early morning practice before going to work, set up two dojos, taught Aikido Monday-Friday evenings in London and Salisbury, travelled all over the UK at weekends with my Teacher for Aikido courses and gradings, passed 3rd Dan, met my wife, got married and set up home together.

I left to teach Aikido full-time again, two years after moving to Salisbury and the day before our first child was born.

Fighter and his Mate - 3rd Dan 1992 after 12 years of Aikido

In some provincial towns in England there used to be a little known informal underground fight scene, based on a kind of tribal territorial affiliation to local Pubs. For all I know it may still be going on. Like most people I was unaware of it until I heard about it from a couple of people who had mixed in those circles, one of them a student who was reformed from a rough past. In essence, from time to time, a person with a certain reputation would turn up at the local Pub of another person, with a similar reputation, and a fight would follow. I heard some tough-man stories, and about who the top-dog fighter was in which area. Not something of any real interest to me, until a couple of fighters turned up at the Pub we went to every week after class in Winchester.

It was a Saturday evening and we’d just hosted my Teacher for a One-Day-Course. This was soon after he’d set off on the journey home. Our club members were present and we had a number of visitors from other clubs. We were in the Public Bar and had laid on plates of food. There was some merriment and some of the members suggested a game we used to play from time to time. At some point I noticed two hard looking characters come in and take up a position at the bar. They kept looking over at us, me in particular, and one was clearly goading the other to come over and do something. I discreetly asked my student, who I knew had personal experience of this type of thing, if he’d noticed them and what he thought was going on. He had, and he confirmed my suspicions, and let me know he was ready to stand with me, “if something kicks-off”. We didn’t know if we were in their local or if they thought they were in ours, and I didn’t give it much thought.

After what looked like sufficient liquid courage and lots of coaching, the designated fighter came over to me a said something about me thinking I was in charge and being up myself. It was intended to be an unambiguous provocation. I smiled and offered him a sandwich. This took the wind out of his sails and he went back to his mate with his sandwich. I heard the other one saying, “He can’t treat you like that! Who does he think he is? You can’t stand for that! Go over there and sort him out!” I knew it was just a matter of time. The rest of our group were enjoying their fun and games, and were still oblivious to all this. Our hapless fighter eventually built up a head of steam again and came over to me saying something a bit more insulting this time. I offered him a chicken leg. While he was contemplating his drumstick and being consoled and wound-up again by his mate, I passed all the dishes through behind the bar and let our group know to disperse and reconvene in the Lounge Bar next door. The evening concluded pleasantly without further incident, in the other bar.

On another occasion, in a different town, I was once asked by a Pub Landlord to stop a fight going on in another part of his Pub. Having agreed to help, the fighter I had to deal with turned out to be one of those with that tough-guy fighter reputation. One should never underestimate how dangerous this kind of street fighter can be, or their determination to keep on fighting, even when obviously outclassed, or badly beaten. In the end, to stop him causing further damage to himself, others and property, I had to put him down and paralyse him for a while, until he was ready to stop. The effectiveness of my Aikido was never in doubt. Could I see room for improvement? Yes! But effectiveness was never in doubt.

I’m aware that I’m fortunate to have found a way to confront my real fears, and overcome them, without compounding the problem by indulging in projecting them. I’ve seen many people come face to face with their own sense of powerlessness, or fear, and in the moment, fighting, in some form, is their only answer. So, in that moment, they lash out, picking on someone they perceive to be weak; sometimes a random stranger, sometimes someone close, and sometimes even themselves. Fighting is rarely the only answer, and even more rarely the right answer. I would never say one should never fight, but, if we’re going to learn fast, we should recognise that getting into a fight is always the latest in a series of failures. The Aikido I practise and teach, is about giving people greater choice, so they can make better decisions. Even in extreme circumstances.

These incidents, and a few others, confirmed for me to my complete satisfaction that the Aikido I learnt is up to the task of allowing me to live free from the fear I knew too well in my childhood.

To be continued…